the best of the rest

MLC: when was world war II?
student: 17th century.
_

MLC: who is the current monarch in britain?
student: ... ... ... elizabeth....
MLC: elizabeth who?
student: ... ... the ... third...
MLC: oh, come on!
student: ... the fourth?
(notice: student took less time towards the end to answer confidently.)
_

MLC: can you give a survey of the first invasions in britain?
student: erm ... romans ... celts ... normans ...
MLC: you are right. they all invaded. now can you also put them in order?
student: ... celts ... romans ... normans ...
MLC: what about the anglo-saxons.
student: they came next.
_

MLC: your special topic concerns the anglo-saxons. could you perhaps tell me something about a very important king?
student: ... i am not good with names.
MLC: ok. i'll help you. what can you tell me about king aelfred?
student: ...
MLC: ever heard the name?
student: no.
MLC: ok. what about king offa?
student: no
MLC: your special topic is 'the anglo-saxons'. surely you have read at least about one king?
student: william of normandy!
MLC: is he anglo-saxon?
student: yes?
MLC: but the name already tells you that he is a norman. where is normandy?
student: i don't know.
_

MLC: ever heard of oliver cromwell?
student: maybe?
_

MLC: what are victorian values?
student: hard work and ... women ... and hard work.
(student got his priorities right.)
_

me: what symbolic function do the animals have in prisoner of azkaban?
student: the wolf is a strong animal. and so is the stag.
me: but what else besides strength do they symbolize?
student: and the rat is small.
me: that is correct. but what other meaning do they have?
student: harry's dad was a stag.
me: (has an image of bambi inside her head) yeah, but a stag, for example, symbolizes pride and also purity of heart. what about the rat?
student: it is small.
(no shit!)
_

me: what does the albatros symbolize? he seems to change his meaning constantly.
student: at first he is shot. and then he is hung around the mariner's neck. and then he falls off.
me: right. but in these three cases, the albatross always symblizes something different.
student: he is always dead.
_


me: would you consider wide sargasso sea a feminist novel?
student: no!
me: (in an astonished tone) why?
student: all the women are unhappy in that book.
_

me: what was the first english literary period?
student: renaissance.
me: really? think again.
student: oh... erm ... no. old english.
me: and can you give a few authors and works?
student: william chaucer.
me: ok. close enough. and what book did chaucer write?
student: there was also beowulf!
(notice: how cunningly student veered off the topic to avoid an answer.)
_

me: what does the lamb stand for?
student: oh... i am not christian.
(indicates a little box on the table and something lying in there.)
(desperate voice, still gesturing.) he is that little god.
me: you mean jesus?
student: that's the one!
(bless her!)
_

me: you listed 'new objectivity' as a literary period. well, i'd rather call it 'modernism'. when was modernism?
student: ... ... ...
me: i'll give you a hint. you could for example argue that you could locate it between two events of a global range.
student: ... 20th century?
me: could you be a bit more specific? think of those two events. they were big. on a world wide scale.
student: ...
me: these events even carry almost the same name.
student: world war I?
me: yes. so we could say, modernism in britain may have begun with wwI. what about the end of modernism?
student: we still have it. literature is still modern.
me: (whinces) ... ok. next topic
_

me: your list seems a bit mixed period-wise. could you perhaps order the literary periods, starting with the oldest?
student: erm ... renaissance ... victorian ... romantics ... post-modern ...
me: i think you may have mixed up two periods.
student: oh, yeah! first romantics, then postmodern literature!
me: you seem to have forgotten the victorians. could you perhaps give me a century for that period?
student: 18th? ... NO! 20th!!!
_

bottom line: these goodies came from about five different students. out of the 56 students we examined over the past week, only two failed and three were abysmally bad but still managed to scrape a pass. the other 51 students were massively brilliant!